I never ever thought I'd be saying this, but... I'm grieving work!
It's the strangest feeling. And, it's unlike other grief I have experienced in my lifetime.
This morning as I was scrolling through images on my old coaching Instagram account, I felt sad that I didn't achieve what I wanted to achieve in that business. And I still feel sad now.
I'm sad that I'm no longer sharing what I'm thinking and feeling and processing in my life emotionally. I miss it. I miss it big time.
It was around seven months ago when my husband came to me, "We could retire now if you want to". There was no pressure from him, it was just an option he was making me aware of. My immediate response was, "I don't want to retire. I love what I'm doing." But, in the weeks that followed, I started processing the idea more and more, and on 10th June 2024, I officially retired.
As I started to process my feelings this morning, I was thinking about how much I miss the connection with followers, clients, and fellow business owners. I miss it all. A lot.
I've been thinking about my history of how I have always responded to big changes in my life and wondered if this is the case here too. I'm digging deep to understand what this is really about.
Yes, I have most definitely been a little bored and have felt the need for a challenge. I've developed an interest in vegetable gardening once again and have been learning a lot about that which has helped. But, it feels like there's something missing.
Now, that could be the mere fact that after working for 45 years, I'm still in the adjustment phase, only time will tell. It's only been months since I stopped working. As I process this, I'm open to where my thoughts and feelings take me, even if that is back to my coaching business in some way, shape or form. I'm kind of feeling like I want to do something, but I don't know what. I can't decide. I'd like to start a YouTube channel, but I'm unsure whether that's under The Great Exhale banner or my own name. And, do I offer coaching here on this website or restart my old business website for that. I'm sitting with all of this indecisiveness. I'm asking the Universe for clarity. I know it will come. For now, I will be fully in these feelings, enjoy my travels in our campervan with my husband. From previous experience being in the place of not knowing, I have faith that murkiness will clear. When the time is right, I will know the next right steps. I always do.
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